I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
