Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
