If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
