I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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