So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My bed smells like the plague
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
