I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I deserve this hangover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
