but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
