Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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