took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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