I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
