Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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