Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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