I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
