Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
