I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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