6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
