I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
