1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
