I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
