Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
