Come see our sink grown plant.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
