Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
