watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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