All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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