Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
