i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
