i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
