he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
