We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
