how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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