He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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