Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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