i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
