the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
