Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
