it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
