we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
