dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
did i just pee glitter
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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