just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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