i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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