I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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