I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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