I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
