Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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