I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
