just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
