this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
