i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
