I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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