i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
