:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
