Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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